Sunday, June 28, 2026

What Is Your Character's Relationship History (And How Has That Affected Them)?

Let's be honest with ourselves, there has always been a streak of romance in a lot of RPGs. Whether it was the relatively chaste quest to prove oneself worthy to wed the princess like something out of an Arthurian story, or the party heading down to the local brothel to spend a sack of coin they earned from their last bounty, the elements have always been present. However, that isn't what I'm talking about today. Because even if you're playing an RPG where you don't want romance-related plots (to say nothing of the more explicit content that exists in games like Lewd Dungeon Adventures or Foreplay: An Erotic Storytelling Game), it's worth asking what kinds of romantic experiences your character has had, and how that's shaped them over their lifetime.

Look, I'm telling you, make the proposal special. Trust me, I speak from experience.

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It's Part Of Your Path (Even If The Character Lacks Experience)


Whatever character you're playing, however strange, unusual, or perfectly plain they are, take a moment and ask yourself what kinds of romantic relationships or entanglements they've had, and how that has affected them as a person. And, before folks start typing in the comments that they don't need to think about their character's sexual history when making a dungeon crawler, that isn't what I'm talking about. Specifically ask what kind of relationships your character has had, what this says about them, and how it affects their outlook. Good or bad, abusive or loving, it will leave a mark on them.

As an example, take the archetype of the fresh-faced fighter. We'll even go the extra mile, and make him a farm boy hero with dreams of glory. If his whole romantic experience up until the time he leaves to go on an adventure, or perhaps to join the militia, is just reading fairy tales about happily ever afters then he's not going to have a frame of reference in mind for when he encounters people out in the world. What will he do when the bard tries to wingman him with the bar keep? How will he react of a noblewoman tries to twist him around her finger? What will he do if he encounters a succubus?

Now ask how that same character would be different if he had a girl back home that he's planning to come back to. He loves her very much, sends letters and money when he can, and he's out trying to make good, and to prove to her father that he can provide for her. What if this character was older, served time in the militia or the army, retired, got married, and now he's a widower who has to find a new way to earn a living, but can't stay in that home with all its memories?
 
She's in every brick of that place... I can't even sleep there anymore.

The types of relationships a character has had, the experience that's garnered them, and what kind of person that's made them into, is an often-overlooked aspect of their history... hence why it's worth thinking about. And the more unusual the character, the more unusual their frame of reference might be.

For example, did a bard master her song as a way to serenade a boy she was infatuated with, but he was betrothed to another? Did that rejection lead her to keep her future relationships shallow and physical, never letting someone get really close to her emotional core? Did the paladin swear an oath of chastity when he first took up the sword, and so all relationships must be physically chaste (even if he might be sorely tested)? Does the cleric serve a love god, and so they are intimately familiar with a variety of relationship styles and troubles, often acting as match maker or counselor? And has this helped their own relationships, or made it even more difficult for them? Does the barbarian come from a tribe where polyamory is normal (like the Takatori dwarves in my Species of Sundara supplement for both DND 5E and Pathfinder Classic), and thus they are used to a completely different relationship dynamic than more "civilized" folk, making mistakes and unintentionally insulting people because they don't understand one another's expectations?

There's no need to make a big deal out of the character's relationship history, but it can be an interesting or fun little mix-in for your game. For example, if your bounty hunter ranger is always talking about the one that got away, it might be a fun little twist that she's been hunting for her ex, who also happens to have a sizable reward on her head. Doubly so if she stole something expensive, hoping the ranger would come after her, because she was too awkward or scared to talk about her feelings. If the halfling rogue is always talking about his wife back home in terms that makes her seem dainty, soft, and delicate, but then the party meets said wife to find out she's a full-blooded orc who will destroy anything that comes between her and her husband, that juxtaposition can be fun and amusing. And if the grim-faced cleric of the death goddess melts whenever there are kids present, finding out that he and his wife never had a chance to have their own before she passed of a fever can add a dimension to him that the rest of the party didn't expect, and it adds a tragic, human side of him that he might keep under wraps until he truly trusts someone.

Which is why this aspect is worth thinking about. Because even if romance isn't a driving force behind a character, their experience with it, and desire for it (or the lack thereof), will be part of what has shaped them up until the point where they hit the mat.

Also, if you are looking for inclusions of something that is definitely going to be an adult element in a game (but which doesn't actually have any explicit content in it), then I'd recommend checking out the following series of supplements by yours truly:


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