The Legend of Conan, Coming Soon!

Conan is perhaps one of the most iconic characters in the world of fantasy. Most of us have, at some point or another, tried to emulate the model set forth in Robert E. Howard's stories for a barbarian (whether we knew we were doing it or not), with varying degrees of success. An archetype that pre-dates Lord of the Rings, Conan's mythos has been contributed to by famous authors like Robert Jordan, as well as some other big names.

Pictured: Other Big Names

While a lot of gamers have devoured the tales left by Howard and his successors, perhaps the biggest exposure Conan received was in the 1982 film Conan The Barbarian starring Arnold Schwarzenegger. The movie was a blockbuster, but it also brought the epic feel of Howard's world to the big screen on a scale and grandeur that's never been truly repeated.

Doesn't mean they aren't going to try, though.

The Legend of Conan

Conan gained his initial fame through serialized pulp fiction stories in magazines like Weird Tales, and the goal with his film franchise was originally to do something similar. The people behind the movie wanted to create a sword and sorcery James Bond, whose stories weren't a series in a traditional sense, but whose career as an adventurer we could follow until he had trod the kingdoms of the earth beneath his sandaled feet, and sat on the jeweled throne of Aquilonia.

As most of you know the second movie was kind of a bust, and Conan lay dormant for many years after that. Until recently there were stirrings of Schwarzenegger returning to one of his most iconic roles, but now according to this source it seems that Legend of Conan is just over the horizon! While we've skipped the meat of Conan's life as an adventurer, this story picks up where the novel Conan the Destroyer began; with Conan as king, and who is looking for a last adventure so he doesn't fade away like the besotted King Osric (the king played by Max Von Sydow in the original film).

While Arnold is trying to breathe life back into many of his iconic roles, it's possible that his age and experience will be his greatest strengths in Legend of Conan. It seems we'll have to wait a little bit longer, though.

If you're a big Arnold fan, then check out this list of True Facts About Arnold Schwarzenegger.

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Jesus Wept, You Can Now Buy Your Own Lament Configuration!

With Halloween still a recent memory some of us are experiencing the urge to bring some real horror to tabletop games. Whether you're running Call of Cthulhu, Dungeons and Dragons, Savage Worlds, Pathfinder, or another game entirely though, there is something you need to be made aware of.

You can buy your own Lament Configuration.

It has such sights to show you.

For those of you who don't know what this is, the Lament Configuration is the puzzle box used in the horror classic Hellraiser to summon the alien Cenobites; creatures of extreme sensation for whom pain and pleasure are indecipherable. It's a staple of horror and now there's a way for you to get one short of sneaking onto the set of the remake and stealing one for your very own.

All you have to do is go to the website for The Puzzle Box Maker (since that's not ominous at all) and place your order. Seriously, take a look at the details here.

Never have I more wanted to play a cleric of Zon Kuthon... if only these were big enough to keep a set or three of dice inside...

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Dark Dungeons, The Movie!

That's right devil-worshiping RPG fans, one of Jack Chick's most well-known comics is being immortalized in film! Dark Dungeons, arguably one of Chick's most famous pieces, warned children and parents alike of the danger of Satan lurking behind garishly painted dragons and complicated character sheets. For those of you who have been waiting all this time, the trailer is now available for your viewing pleasure!

Whew! I didn't know I had that much sarcasm in me.

For those of you unfamiliar with Dark Dungeons (I'm assuming ALL of you have seen it at some point in time, being RPG fans), it was a Christian pamphlet drawn by infamous artist Jack Chick in 1984. If you want more information about who Chick is and what he does, check out this article here. However, before you get too upset about a movie dedicated to one of the biggest lies to come out of the Satanic Panic of the 1980s (namely that roleplaying games lead players to worship Satan and commit murder, suicide, or both), read the fine print on this movie's homepage here. You'll notice that the site is adamant that it is not making a parody, but is instead attempting to capture the feeling and message of the original Jack Chick comic.

You'll also notice the movie is being made by the same people who made The Gamers, Dorkness Rising, Hands of Fate, and Journey Quest. So I think we can safely say that this production will be extremely accurate to the source material, as there is no way to parody Chick tracts. All you can do is read them with a straight face, and let the laughter commence.

For more information on the Satanic Panic of the 1980s (perhaps the most embarrassing witch hunt in America's long history of witch hunts), check out this article. Also remember that Dark Dungeons is due for an August 14th release, so stay tuned and try to offer your support if you want to witness the resurrection of this little piece of history.


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