Don't Be a Passive-Aggressive GM (It Won't Help)

Being a game master is a difficult, and often thankless task. You have to balance plot elements, mechanical challenge, character creation, voice dozens of different characters on any given night, and keep the wheel of the cosmos turning in such a way that the players don't notice because everything looks so smooth and effortless.

When the players go out into the weeds to try to steal giant wheels of cheese, or they get fixated on an unimportant piece of world lore, or they won't stop setting buildings on fire, frustration is a perfectly natural response. However, you aren't going to get your players to stop doing those things by dropping hints or being vindictive... you need to communicate with them like the adults you all are if you want to get on the same page moving forward.

Seriously, open communication is your friend, here.

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Just Use Your Words, Already

I talked about this back in Killing Characters Won't Solve Out-of-Game Problems, but it bears repeating. If you want your players to do something (or not do something), do not drop hints. Do not punish them in-game for not being able to read your mind. Don't get mad when they don't pick up on subtlety. Sit down and talk to them, GM to player, and explain the problems you're having so you can both work toward a solution.

Just take off the mask, and say what you want to say.

Imagine, for a moment, that you were living with a roommate. You both agreed you'd each do your part of the chores, but it seems like they never wash the dishes like they said they would. You leave a note somewhere you're sure they'd notice it, but they don't react. You make comments about how it would be nice to cook certain meals, but the dishes you need aren't clean. Finally you fold your arms and refuse to wash another dish until they do it... but they still don't wash any.

Most of us have lived through a scenario just like this, or know someone who has. And at least some of the time the only thing that fixed the situation was sitting down with the person and asking, point-blank, "Why aren't you washing the dishes? Be straight with me, we've got to find a solution to this."

Same thing applies to being a GM.

If you have a player who is making you or the table uncomfortable with their horny bard trying to seduce everything they come across, you aren't going to curb that behavior by giving their character STDs. They're not going to get the hint if the succubus gives them negative levels, or the dragons is so enthusiastic it leaves them bedridden for a week. The same way you won't get the overly-violent barbarian to stop picking fights by making every town guard a retired epic-level adventurer, and how you won't get the rogue to stop randomly stealing stuff no matter how many traps they stick their hand into.

If you want your players to stop doing something, tell them. Don't drop hints, don't levy in-game punishments, and don't hope they get the idea... use your words, and tell them.

This is a Cooperative Game

While as a GM you run the game's antagonists, you are not the antagonist yourself. You should be facilitating storytelling and gameplay with your players, and when something doesn't work you need to be the one who's addressing it.

More importantly, you need to be the one working out solutions with your players so that everyone can enjoy the game.

All right, I found the flaw. Now let's see if we can find a solution, here.

For example, some players are just operating under misconceptions or stereotypes (paladins can't allow other party members to carouse, rogues have to be thieves, barbarians can't come from cities, etc.) and just talking about alternatives can sometimes be eye-opening. Other times it's because a player is trying to channel a desire for a certain type of action, but they don't have a good way to do it (the barbarian wants to fight, the thief wants to steal, etc., but those actions aren't currently necessary to advance the plot). In that case you need to work with the player to provide opportunities for them to use their skills and abilities in the current game so they don't resort to destructive ends to feel like their contributing (the rogue stealing important items for the party rather than from them, the barbarian being made a champion to enter a tournament so the party can snoop around, etc., etc.).

Sometimes you won't be able to find a solution. A player might want/expect a completely different kind of game than you're actually running, or insist that they can do whatever they want with their character in the sandbox. Again, do not attempt to force someone to conform to your expectations through in-game punishments, here. If a player isn't willing to play ball and cooperate with you, don't invite them back to this particular game. Not every game is going to suit every kind of player, and everyone at the table needs to be willing to participate in the same game, and to allow everyone else to have fun.

And the best way to do that is to make sure you're all on the same page as players, and that you're all engaged and willing to go forward as a group.

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