Sexuality Matters in Roleplaying Games (And Here's Why)

Anyone who's played Pathfinder, or the 5th edition of Dungeons and Dragons, has likely noticed the effort both Paizo and Wizards of the Coast have put in to attract a more diverse audience to their games. Pathfinder's adventures involve NPCs of various genders and sexualities, and Dungeons and Dragons opened with language that made it clear that the game world doesn't necessarily resemble the world we live in when it comes to sexual and romantic norms. Both of these were covered in greater detail over at Mighty Meep, for those who want to know more.

The companies' decisions to use more inclusive language, and to present a wider diversity in their game worlds, was met with a positive reception from many players. Some players had a significantly more negative response to the language, and the conversations they sparked. Those who didn't want to hear any more about it, or who simply didn't want to deal with an expanded spectrum of sexual orientation, asked a very loud question to which they didn't actually want an answer.

WHY DOES ANY OF THIS MATTER!?

The question "Why does any of this matter?" or "Why do we care?" is an attempt to silence discussion by implying that the issue of sexuality either doesn't matter, or is inappropriate for roleplaying games. You know, the games that have succubi in them.

So, let's dig a little deeper, shall we?

Sex and Sexuality Have Always Been Part of RPGs

Before we go any further, let's dispel the myth that RPGs were clean, wholesome things that had no sexual aspects to them in the past. As far back as the first edition of Dungeons and Dragons there was a chart for what kind of prostitutes players encountered. There are entire encounters which hinge on the strategy of sexual temptation, from female bandits in the forest, to vampires that press themselves against you before sinking their fangs into your neck. Sure, we can have a chicken or the egg discussion about whether it's the game or the mythology it draws on, but the point is that there have always been aspects of sex and sexuality in RPGs.

If there weren't, then the joke about how the bard sleeps with everything would never have become a stereotype.

Representation, and Identification With Your Character

Representation and identification are two, big issues when it comes to RPGs. On the one hand, we want to play people who are very different from who we are so we can escape into the fantasy. At the same time, though, we want to be able to identify with these characters in some way. So, while the greatsword wielding barbarian may be literally twice the player's size, maybe he shares the player's ethnicity. Alternatively, maybe the character and the player grew up in similar places (rural, urban, etc.), or have similar family structures. Maybe they share certain religious convictions, or philosophical beliefs (the strong protect the weak, for example).

In many cases the low-hanging fruit is that the character and the player have the same sexual preferences.

Whatever those may be.

If a player is heterosexual, then there's not likely going to be an issue. That sort of sexuality is built into most games, even if it never shows up on screen, so to speak. But imagine if you had a player at the table who was gay. Will they receive a similar experience?

Let's create a situation for comparison. Say that Dave joins your game, and he brings a cleric. We're all forward-thinking, inclusive players, so we accept that Dave, as a person, likes men. Dave likes to game, and he runs a good cleric. But we make it very clear that gay characters are not allowed in this game world, and when they do show up they face extreme prejudice. So, while John's bard can leave a trail of illegitimate pregnancies from one town to the next without any trouble, if Dave's cleric looks too longingly at the bartender, it might result in him having to roll initiative.

Sounds like things are a little out of whack, doesn't it? Flip that scenario on its head, and ask yourself if heterosexual players were told that heterosexual characters would be mistreated and punished in the game world, while homosexual characters would be accepted as average. Would we be quick to answer any player displeasure by telling them to just deal with the way the world is?

The scenario doesn't have to be that blatant, either. It could simply be that, no matter what Dave's character does to find NPC companionship (perhaps because he wants to create actual ties to the community, and possibly gain a cohort who also happens to be his lover), the DM just refuses to allow him to succeed. In this case no one is saying Dave's character can't be gay, but there is a not-so-subtle message that he'll be the only gay male character in the entire world.

That's more than a little alienating, since the implication is that heterosexuality is fine, and can easily be met with character development and/or off-screen love affairs, but homosexuality will receive no such attention.

I Don't Want Sex In My Game At ALL, Though!

Here's something that often gets overlooked in this discussion. Sex and sexuality are two different things.

Though I can see how you might confuse the two.

Saying that sex is inappropriate for your game, for whatever reason, is fine. Perhaps you feel it cheapens the story, or it simply makes other players uncomfortable. That's something every table will have to work out for itself regarding what it wants out of a game. Sexuality isn't sex, though. Sexuality is someone's preferences, and what that person is attracted to.

Those things matter in order to flesh the character out more fully.

There's the aspect of character identification and representation that we already covered. Beyond that, though, a character's sexuality is an important part of who they are, and how they came to be where they are now. Sexuality, and the character's feelings about sexuality, comes as a result of life events and experience, and it may play into character motivations and life goals, in addition to just informing part of the character's personality.

As an example, let's say someone is playing a cleric of a god or goddess of love. Were they allowed to explore their own personal tastes in a secure environment in order to bring them a greater understanding of attraction and relationships? Would that sort of faith lead to someone who is empathetic toward the plight of others, and who is tolerant of the needs different people have? Alternatively, say you're playing a transmuter. As the wizard grows in power, ideas like race, and even gender, may cease to have meaning. When you can change yourself into so many different things, what does that do to your perception of sexuality and desire? Does the wizard, for example, find certain forms to be more pleasurable than others? Or does the transmuter cease to see someone's body, since all bodies can be altered, and learn to form connections with deeper aspects of who people truly are?

Does the tribal hunter want to prove his strength so he can be deemed a fit match for the shaman's daughter? Will the knight attempt to win honors in order to seem a more appealing prospect as a husband? Do the rogue and the paladin become friends, and then lovers, traveling and adventuring together in order to keep the other safe? These are just a few possible ways that a character's sexuality can mix into their goals and motivations.

A character may also be someone who is asexual, focusing on non-sexual relationships exclusively. Characters may also be pansexual, and could be attracted to a wide variety of genders, as well as races in a fantasy setting. In short, by ignoring a character's sexuality you are ignoring a huge part of who they are, and how they developed. Even if those aspects never show up in the game itself, they may affect what kinds of decisions PCs make, and how they act. Sexuality, gender, physical appearance, these are all things that have no spot on the character sheet, but they can be a serious difference between a unique, interesting character, and one that is completely forgettable.

It could also lead to plot complications when the ninja decides she's going to seduce the baron, only to find that his preferences tend to run more toward bearded, broad-shouldered knights.

EDIT: A point was brought up during discussion of this topic that sex and sexuality affects more than just one player's character. In a very real sense, it touches all aspects of a society, and the culture that helps shape people's attitudes about what is desirable, and what is allowed. Different cultures have different mating rituals, and different ways that desire is expressed. Some societies may assign the role of stoic resistor to one party while the other pursues, whereas others may have formalized rules of courtship. Some may have certain vows or promises that must be made, or gifts that must be exchanged. Some societies place a high value on a single pairing, whereas others will have more complicated rules for polyamorous relationships. Even if a character isn't actively pursuing sex, or looking to form sexual relationships, their perspectives of "normal" will be influenced by these cultural norms, and what they experienced growing up before becoming adventurers.

Thanks for reading to the end of this entry. I know it's a tough one, but next week I'll have something a little more light-hearted to make up for it. If you want to make sure you don't miss any of my updates, then follow me on Facebook, Tumblr, and Twitter. If you want to help support me and my blog, then drop by my Patreon page to toss a little bread in my jar. If you become a patron before the end of November, there's even a free book in it for you!