A Guide To Swearing In Your Fantasy RPG

You know how in fantasy novels from the 80s and 90s authors would make up curse words for that particular setting, allowing them to bring across that characters were vulgar without putting words in their books that would keep them out of younger readers' hands? Have you ever been wrist deep in RP about to say "shit" and wished you had an alternative that felt more organic for your world? Or perhaps something you could say that wouldn't get you in trouble if the younger players either at the table or in the house started repeating it?

Well here are some ways you can do just that, and surprise the hell out of everyone else with your thundering creativity.

Method #1: Invoke The Divine

Aside from our favorite four-letter friends one of the most common swears you've probably heard is the name Jesus Christ. While it might not offend anyone but the truly religious (taking the savior's name in vain and all that), the idea of invoking divine powers is one of the oldest forms of swearing. Given that most fantasy RPGs have their own pantheon you've got all of the ammunition you need.

Asmodeus worshipers get the best swear words.

You can invoke the name of your character's god(s), or just the regional divinities where he or she grew up. You can also invoke aspects of the divine, referring to divine tools or areas of influence. An example is the word gadzooks, which we sort of associate with Saturday-morning-cartoons and Shakespeare plays. The term is a shortened word that means god's hooks. That's some serious-sounding-shit, and not to be invoked lightly. Especially if you happen to be a follower of a god of pain, agony, and torture like Zon-Kuthon.

This kind of logic extends to all gods and their accouterments. Followers of Cayden Cailean might use a phrase like busted cup to refer to bad luck coming their way (insinuating that the god's trusty tankard had been smashed, and the ale of victory spilled forever). Those who worship the nature god Gozreh might invoke the more damaging elements of nature with phrases like thunder and flood or beasts and blood. Even those who pray to Desna the goddess of dreams might say something like dark dreams or sleepless nights when something goes wrong.

Method #2: Stream-of-Nonsense Swearing

Popularized by characters like Yosemite Sam the stream of nonsense might sound like little more than gobbledy-gook at first, but it actually has a long and storied tradition. Phrases like by the double-barreled jumping jimminity are more likely to produce laughter than fright, but the formula is easy enough to apply if you want to alter the words for something a little more serious.

By the nocked arrows of the 52 fletchers, what do you want?

Whether these phrases refer to actual things and people, or they're just made up combinations of words is up to you as the player. The formula tends to start out with by the as most good swearing does, and then moves onto words that come in pairs. Alliteration is good if you can manage it, and it will make the phrases easier to remember.

The interesting part comes when you want to work something into your character's life that makes these phrases make sense. Do they swear by weapons because warriors hold those close (by the bastard blades of the seven sons), or do they instead invoke features of their geography (by the burning hills of Hartford), or of their ancestors (by the gray bearded chin of Harold the Mad). You can get pretty creative with these, but you should save them for special occasions when possible if you want them to have a bigger impact.

Method #3: Swearing By Body Parts (And Other Things)

Holy... ugh...

This is the type of swearing we're all most familiar with, though we aren't really all that creative with it. After all a four-letter word for copulation is our big swear word, and the runner-up is another four-letter word for excrement.

We can do better than that.

Look at the proud British tradition of swearing. Bollocks might not seem like a very insulting word, but try grabbing your crotch while you sneer derisively at someone and see just how quickly it escalates. The same goes for the word bloody; it probably sounds quaint to American ears but if you change the phrase and add to it something like blood and ashes has a certain vehemence that's got a lovely ring to it. You can swear by anything that's important to your character or the culture he or she comes from. Virgin's teats, devil's hands, or even something like child o' mine might represent things that a culture values, or which it finds troublesome.

In short there's a whole slew of great ways to swear-without-swearing at your table. For some more great information on old-timey cussing and where our modern profanity comes from check out this article on the subject.

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Using Religion in Your Roleplaying

An individual's faith is a deeply personal choice, as is the way he or she decides to practice it. Some people are very quiet about their beliefs, not bringing them up in conversation or even making them a part of their common vernaculars. Other people display their faith subtly, perhaps by wearing a symbol to identify themselves or by saying a small, quiet prayer before they eat. Still other people make their religion very plain, following strict rules on dress, behavior, diet, and even about the kinds of people they can associate with according to their faith.

If you want to add an extra dimension to your roleplaying, consider your character's views on the divine.

The Gods Are Real

And they will give you things, if you ask properly.

Let's take the example of a fantasy roleplaying game like Pathfinder. In these games gods, spirits, and other forces are undeniably real. Clerics, paladins, druids, oracles, and others all draw power from the well of the divine. Not only that but those who have been resurrected have given testimony of the worlds beyond, and learned practitioners of the arcane can commune with any number of beings beyond the mortal, material realm.

So, the gods are real.

Take a moment and contemplate that for a moment. Think of a world where there was no question on the existence of gods. A world in which the gods and their servants could be seen, heard, felt, and where there was a better than even chance their mortal mouth-pieces were in fact giving the masses the straight dope on the divine. A world where the pious could perform miracles, where infernal and angelic bloodlines manifested in the populace, and where there was no possibility of it all being smoke and mirrors as a salve on troubled souls.

That's the kind of world your character exists in.

What Sort of Faith Did Your Character Grow Up In?

We do not smile in the graveyard. Pharasma will make our faces stick that way if we do.

Religion, whether by its presence or the lack thereof, shapes people. Just look at people in America. Catholics have saints as well as Jesus and Mary, and there are a hundred rituals and holy days to remember. Lutherans forego many of these things, though they practice ostensibly the same faith. Other religions, like Santeria, Voodoo, Asatru, Wicca, Hinduism and others all come with their own rules and regulations. Not being raised with a faith at all, or being raised in a way that doesn't expose you to a faith, also leaves a mark on a person. These are things that can cling for a lifetime in the form of warding gestures, turns of phrase, or little rituals from lighting candles for the departed to running fingers over a rosary when one is nervous.

So ask yourself what faith or faiths your character grew up with. Was he raised in an orphanage run by clerics of Asmodeus who taught about the contracts of society, and who instilled values of cleverness and power? Perhaps she was brought up in the country, and her father taught her all about nature, and how Erastil had given them a responsibility to support each other and to never take more than they need to live? Maybe your character was raised by wizards, who considered the divine a problem to be solved rather than an idea to be worshiped and followed?

Whatever your unique upbringing was, ask what bits of faith held tight and which fell by the wayside. Maybe it's the curses your character uses, the taboos she avoids, or something even deeper.

How Do You Pray?

Put on your knee pads girls, we're going to be here a while.

Every day clerics have to pray for their spells. This is the same kind of hour-long ritual that wizards and magi have to go through to access their magic for the day. Most players just tell their DM "I pray for spells," the DM nods, and the game continues on.

If you do this you're passing up a huge roleplaying opportunity.

Yes, the mechanical effects of praying for spells don't change from one cleric to another. Every cleric spends an hour at prayer, and as a result said cleric gets a certain number of spells for the day. But what does it look like?

Does a cleric of Gorum passively kneel and pray, or does he clean his armor and weapons to a mirror shine as he recites the tenets of the god of battle? Or does he stand without armor, in just a loincloth with naked steel in hand as he goes through combat forms that represent different spells? Does a cleric of Shelyn create art while praying, or does the cleric play music or dance as a way to create something beautiful as an offering? Does a cleric of Zon Kuthon cut herself, or run needles through her skin in certain patterns to get closer to the god of agony? Do the prayers change over time? Are more elaborate rituals required for those who are higher in power, which explains why they're granted more powerful magic?

This isn't just for clerics either. Any character who worships a god should have little rituals that make them more unique. Barbarians might offer a prayer at the beginning or end of a hunt to commemorate the activity. Rangers who track and kill undead might carve Pharasma's spiral on their arrowheads out of a totemic belief that they'll draw the restless dead home. Fighters who worship Cayden Cailean might offer the first toast to him after a successful adventure in thanks, or before embarking as a prayer for good luck.

When the gods could quite literally be on your side, it's important to make sure they know you're listening.

Monsters and Faith

Sixth level of the Abyss, how can we help you?

Even the most diverse games tend to be very human-heavy; let's face it a bonus feat and skill point are hard to say no to. However, it's important to remember that monstrous races all have their own gods as well. Elves, dwarves, giants, ogres, gnolls, and others all have gods they revere. The question players have to ask in these cases is did these monstrous characters leave their old faiths behind, or cling tight and go on adventures with their primordial patrons looking over their shoulders?

For some races the connection to the gods is even stronger. Tieflings and aasimar are the first that come to mind, but geniekin and others with the blood of powerful outsiders running through their veins are also important candidates for deeper questions. For instance, does a tiefling believe that he's damned simply because of his heritage? Could a lifetime of prejudice and scorn lead him to snap, deciding that he'll commit such atrocities that when he does go to hell they'll make him a duke for his troubles? Does an aasimar regard divine parentage as something more like an extended family than a god, leading them to treat those they're descended from with greater familiarity and less awe than they might otherwise command?

These are good questions to start with. How you answer them will depend on the kind of character you want to make.


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