Compersion Is An Important Aspect of Being a Game Master

Compersion is a term that a lot of gamers are familiar with, because a polyamorous lifestyle is the easiest way to ensure that you have enough people for a regular RPG or board game night. However, if you've never heard the term before, the most general definition is that it is when a person feels a sense of happiness cause by seeing someone else's happiness; particularly someone important to that person.

And generally speaking, I think this is something a lot of Game Masters should take to heart, because the idea is one that can make game night a lot more enjoyable for everyone involved.

Lastly, before we get started this week, you should check out my older article Partners and Polycules: Polyamorous Designations Based Off Dungeons and Dragons Dice in the event you need a chuckle today.

It can really help to have your head, and heart, in the right place.

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Making It About Your Players (Instead of Yourself)

Since I can hear the clearing of some throats out there, I wanted to give the more in-depth definition of this term as it applies to polyamorous people. Mostly because I feel that will give the following topic a little additional weight. Now, for those who don't know, polyamory is a relationship style where people have multiple romantic and/or sexual partners at a time, and there is open communication and knowledge among everyone involved. Now, in this case, compersion is often about seeing one of your partners being happy with another partner, and feeling happy that they're happy.

And I bring this up because for a lot of people seeing their partner go out on dates with another person (or knowing they were up to something more intimate) would give them very negative feelings like jealousy, sadness, or anger. And while those things can still happen, for a lot of folks the idea that you would see your partner in this situation, and be happy that they're having fun and excited, can be a lot to wrap their heads around.

But I would posit that there's a parallel here for a lot of Game Masters. Because it feels like a lot of folks who run games can sometimes put their players' happiness and excitement last, which leads to problems.

I hope they're having a good time right now. I really do.

Now, to start us off on the right foot, I agree with the sentiment that the Game Master is also a player at the table. They have a very different role, but they should absolutely be enjoying themselves as much as anyone else. However, with that said, it's important for a Game Master to ask themselves if they're excited when their players are excited, or if seeing their players having fun gives them a rush of positive feelings. Even if the players are doing something unconventional.

Because there are a lot of Game Masters out there who get frustrated or upset with players when they use an ability in an unexpected way, when they try out a strategy the GM didn't see coming, or just when the dice gods smile upon the players and things really go their way with a natural 20 or critical success at a clinch moment. And sure, maybe you were hoping that your villain would make more of an impression on the players, or you're frustrated their figured out a plot twist sooner than you wanted them to, or a fight they were supposed to lose is one they actually walked away from victorious... and it's all right to feel those things. But ask yourself if your players are having fun, and if that shouldn't be more important in this moment?

The ability to take your ego out of things, and to bask in your players' enjoyment, is really important for having a good experience as a GM. Because even if your players ignored a dungeon you'd hoped they would go down, or they solved a mystery two sessions early, or a twist of fate allowed them to absolutely wreck a villain you'd hoped would have been more of a challenge, if your players are having fun, ask yourself if those other things are more important at the end of the day?

That perspective, and that shift in mind set, can make a lot of difference. It can also allow you to shrug off things that would otherwise bother you. If you develop the ability to say, "Well, as long as everyone is having fun," and to really mean it, that will make your life a great deal easier.

And if you haven't picked up my 100 Tips and Tricks For Being A Better Game Master, as well as the companion piece 100 Tips and Tricks For Being A Better RPG Player, I'd highly recommend grabbing some copies for yourself!

As A Final Note: Compersion and Bad Behavior

I heard a few folks cracking their knuckles for comments, so I wanted to tack a section onto the end of this week's post. It's important for you, as a Game Master, to tell the difference between harmless behaviors from your players, or your own hang ups as a GM, and problem behavior. As I mentioned, the goal here is for everyone at the table to be having fun, the GM included. And there is a world of difference between allowing your players to go off-script, or allowing an unexpected but earned victory to stand, and putting up with bad behavior from your players.

However, in another polyamory comparison, the best course of action is to talk about things. Whether you feel your players aren't being appreciative of the effort you're putting into the game because they keep ignoring what you're telling them, or you feel that they're deliberately undermining the tone you all agreed to at the outset, or you feel that tea-bagging your minis is disrespectful, and they're going to hurt themselves when they eventually fall off the table, have a conversation about it.

And don't wait until there's months (or years) of pent up negativity and bad blood about something that can come boiling out. Just talk to your players, open up a dialogue, and tell them, "Hey, I'm having some thoughts/feelings about this. I don't want it to become an issue, but I'd appreciate if we could talk this out."

It really does solve problems.

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